Who knew infection could look so funny (aside from lepers, of course). |
In the western world people like to think they're immune from the afflictions of third world ailments like malaria, SARS, cooties and various forms of the many bird flu epidemics, but new research suggests that rare diseases can strike at any time and anywhere, even at my birthday party, even while innocently eating a penguin cake.
It was a big day around my house. I had cousins, aunts and grandparents on hand and everything seemed as delightful as the fact that I had presents to open, but as sure as I was turning three, the mood quickly turned to a concern we thought could only be experienced by the ravaged wrapping paper separating me from my new toys.
We were wrong... black wrong.
Left - Here you can see gramma-ma smoothing over a spot of frosting that someone poked for a taste. I won't name this mystery person, but I'll hint you this... it was his birthday.
We tore in to our cake with a vengeance unrivaled in recent history, and if you don't believe our cake consuming fury, just read yesterday's article about it and you'll see what I'm talking about. It was furious and fantastic... but then the reality set in.
We thought we'd face an upset tummy or sugar crash at worse (both of which we were prepared for, and a good thing too because we ultimately suffered both as well); but there was something more unimagined and dark waiting for us. Not just dark, but black.
Right - Before I could eat the cake I had to "blow out the candles". I didn't understand what this meant, and once I did I didn't understand why. Finally I got some help and did it, but not before showering the cake with a fine mist of my own saliva. Fortunately it was the penguin itself that infected the party goers, not my bacteria-friendly man-mouth.
Blame it on the color of the penguin or the way the cake was prepared if you like, no matter how you slice it the result was shocking. I contracted Black Paw & Mouth Syndrome. It's an avian cake disease, and I know this because ours was a penguin cake from which I caught it, but it was also a hoof and mouth disease, and I know that because of the resulting colors stained about my mouth and man-hooves.
As is so often the case, I have some reason or other to cut my article short. Today the reason is that I need to seek professional attention for the state of my mouth, which in case you can't tell, is that of darkest night.
So farewell for today, dear world, but beware of the dangers of these confectionary birds. The perils are hardly known and the longterm results are even more mysterious.
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