Posted by Brendan on Sunday, October 09 @ 04:00:00 PDT
That`s dad with Grammy and Grandpy. What a show-boater! |
From 6-months of age I knew I was destined to be in and about the news, even if not otherwise newsworthy, we haven't enjoyed the success of that who is with "Jeremy" fellow, but he's a special sort of media magnate. Call this our "due" or "birthright" if you like, but research proves it's actually our legacy.
I've never met "Jeremy," but I like him well enough in absentia de la dementia potentia. He's never returned my calls, but I blame it more on my unintelligible babbling more than his (true and due) super celebrity status. Our dads have chated but I've ne'eren't been privvy to the outcome.
But as I always [selfishly] say (and truly live by), let's get back to me. I've ben reporting the news since my half dozenth month alive and Baby-D's been doing it since he was sub-zero by more a few than an overpriced fridgy-marator. Am I bitter? Not a bit. Am I bragging? Oh, for sure. But is it my destiny? Let's say more than maybe, "yes."
It took a heapin' helpin' of north-by-northwestern* investigative research, we've found that our habit of being in the news from (literally) day one is more than habit, it's heritage. Daddy-O did it first from due north of Nowhere in the thick of the mockable 70s. He had some nerve beating us to the punch, but he also had a surprisingly hasty arrival so I gotta blame grammy more than him.
Grammy was a delivery nurse with three chitlins already in her basket so she should've known better. Dad's always been a before-due-date kind of guy as I've known him so it really ain't that surprising. Fortunately, as a major league catcher (of babies) she was at least qualified to coach grampy to catch him.
LEFT - Grandpa was quoted here saying "It was absolutely the most exciting experience that I have ever had, AND it took less than an hour!" How can you argue with a sales pitch like that?
Still, it was a huge mess and a matress wrecker and, ultimately, a grand enough entrance to land his shrieking mug on page-1. Man, I hate grandstanding.
Okay, fine, so he beat all us boys to newborn news by a score and ten, but he gave up on news appearances for 14 years thereafter. First to press is good I guess, but being Mr. Nobody on the outskirs of Outer Nowhere don't count in my book.**
Daddy-O may have made the news but he didn't actually make the news, which is precisely what's made me and the brothers*** so swingingly famously successful>**** Sure, he pads our account of things about which we account, but it's still us that completes the magical illusion.
So when it comes to journalistically integrous bitty-scribbles, forsake that Jurrasic artifact of Daddy-O as you would anything else from the era. Mid-70s Grand Turino, personal computer or presidential indiscretion on the order of Watergate. Clearly we've come so far but, by "we" I mean me and my brothers, and by "so far" I mean all of it but the politics.
*49 degrees which sounds cool but, based on our findings and results, it turns out it's super cool.
**My book is a Pooh bedtime tale which I ask to be read regularly. Daddy-O reads it but ain't in it.
***Again I gotta ask out of semantic curiosity, is it "me and the brothers" or "me and the bothers"? Seriously, I love them but they can really be irritating at times.
****Despite our obvious deficiency of fame.
ABOVE - Apparently chiseled good looks run in the family. Here you can see a picture of Daddy-O and one of his grandfather. I don't see the similarity myself, the guy on the left is in black & white!
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