My decoys were perfect, maybe it`s too late in the season. |
I had a super chance to squeeze in some field experience time this week to finish off my most recent internet studies. I'm on the cusp of completing my e-degrees in Dragonology and Dragononomy, but dragons and their studies' demise concern me.
Dragons are iconic to our modern incivilization, as I'm sure you can agree. From Puff to Shrek these docile monsters permeate our lives from archaic, albeit confusing folk chanties to half-billion-dollar film franchises. Still, as my highest educated colleagues assert, these dragons do not even exist now. Some oddly argue that they never did at all.
Didn't's and don't's are irrelevant to my studies. I've nearly got my degrees and I ain't about to give up on it now. Why abandon ship just because the ship's already sunk?
Dragonology is the important study of all things scaled and firebreathing in excess of 30-tons in weight.* Some fly, others swim, but the study and understanding of them is important. Should I encounter one in the woods (behind my house) or whilst boating atop the lake it could be lifesaving to understand the genus and species, not to mention the balance of the K.P. Cofgs equation.
Knowing the level of danger may indeed save my life or free me up to snap an exclusive photo worth a Franklin mint.
Dragononomy is likewise important though surprisingly even less scientifically regarded. Apparently the scientific community is unaware that one's date and time of birth in combination with breed of dragon in question may, consequentially, impact their fate, fortune, edibility and burnination. I've studied this rare art as well, and mastered to near-ninja level.
And yet, even with all that in mind, these two are still seen as pseudo-sciences somehow. Forget all that, let's look at popular beliefs in the bigger world at large:
Google shows 437,000 results for dragons exist vs. 641,000 for dragons don't exist.
586 for dragons are fakey vs. 4.4 Million for dragon power.
751,000 for I hate dragons vs. 1.69 Million for I love dragons.
248,000 for dragons suck vs. 880,000 for dragons rock.
So stick that in your snout and smoke it, science!
I admit I didn't see any of the mega-big, historically famous fire-breathing virgin-gobbling titanium-encladdened beasts of Mini Cooper sized hearts** but, bear in mind it was only a single day of field study.
Uncle Jeremy's wandered the woods with family in search of a tasty buck but, having repeatedly yelled "doe" and "d'oh," he's never even seen one to shoot with Nikon or .30 ott. Should I conclude deer are not real? Nonsense!
Proving a negative is as impossible as I'm positive deer and dragons are real. And not just becaues I've read the Loch Ness Monster series of children's books but also becaues Daddy-O nearly hit a deer on his motorcycle one night many dozens of moons ago. Terrifyingly real as he tells it.
Daddy-O's got no pictures and no proof, but I have no reason to believe he's lying.
And so one must likewise conclude the "crazy" people's claims: Dragons are real.
I'm studied and ready to share my ioti of wise brilliance. I know best from better and I"m heck-bendy on finding these dragons. I'll find them, help them learn to read and vote, even get them hooked up with an attorney to claim their odd-zillion in unpaid royalties.
And, along the way I'll earn my Nobel prize. Perhaps in peace, perhaps in science, I don't care. I'm a begger and I'll take what I'm offered. Doesn't much matter, all the Nobel prizes pay the same anyhow.
* Baby dragons are exempt from these weighty restrictions of mass.
**Don't call them just mean, they've obviously got big, big hearts.
*** There's two jokes in this article stolen from Futurama. Tell me what they are by email and the 2 to 3 respondents will earn a special prize by mail.
ABOVE - This is me wandering through nature, or "the dragons habitat" if you prefer. I've got a dragon decoy in each hand, and as you can tell by the wilderness all about me, this is indeed their romping-stomping ground. Also, I'm a virgin through and through, so if this sum total don't attract them it's fair to say they ain't out today.
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