Check it out, got the traditional explorer hat and all. |
Back when I was a young man* I learned me that crawling thingy-doo-da, and that really made my crawling career take off what the way it's done had.
I'm an innovator in oh so many ways. I explore with my fingers, my mouth, and I now add nomadicism to the smorgasmix. I'd be rich as a sultan off this stuff if I could find a decent patent attorney, or at least figure out what one is.
I circumnavigate the living room loop in ways Magellan never has. I know it because he died out with the dinosaws** and our low-rise apartment only dates back to Kennedy. Kitchen, living room and a mile of hallway, all for my speed lapping delight. Funny as it sounds, that's some serious exploration.
I invent trouble mechanisms grand enough to even give pause to my notoriously troublesome brother Brendan. Forget about my walker, he's always hated my meddling in that thing. Even in crawl mode he goes batty with my work. I steal his dog, pull his hair, whatever I can, must and have discovered I'm able to do. I'm on all fours and it gives him pause.
Off-limits is now game on. They could keep me out of all kinds of stuff back in my walker days. It's a bulky contrappy-do and one easily tripped up by narrow passages and floor obstacles. Belly-crawling maximizes my diminutive profile and, hide yourselves and your self stuffs as you may, I'm already high on your heels.
So in conclusion, do you like my hat?
And for those of you more near to me, keep an eye out. The infamous "they" didn't raise up the bars on my crib for nothing, you know. I don't know the actual reasons, but I'm almost certain that there is one... Keep that mind and I promise I will too.
* Around the turn of the past month, maybe February ott-five or ott-six.
** Dinosaws are mega-elephant creatures dating*** before global warming. They're easily recognized by their circular, band and reciprocating incisors and mandibles.
** Once global warming came, they stopped dating. They had no perfume and couldn't date because being all hot and sweaty, well, they ex-stinked.
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