Just an itty bitty refund? |
This wiggly tadpole of a baby brother I've got here is getting louder and more obnoxious by the day. I tried to return him for a refund, but the hospital refused. Can they do that?
We spent nearly six k'jillion dollars to get this guy on staff. I like him well enough, but think about it from my perspective; if we let him go we could get all them bucks back, and we could still see him time to time from his new post, I'm sure. Then we could buy a pony or a carousel, wouldn't that be better?
The hospital insists he's out of warranty and that we can't return him, and certainly not for our cash back.
What's this all about? Isn't this so-called "hospital" a reputable business? I'm not completely satisfied and I want my money back. The customer's always right, and I say "take him back", right?
Okay, no, my proclamation isn't intelligible, but that's not the point. The customer is supposed to be always right, and I, as a good customer, am right (mad), right? Right!
I need to speak with a supervisor here. Maybe you guys aren't wowed by my star power but I assure you there are literally tens of ones of people who know me by name. Your reputation among five, powerless strangers, is in real jeopardy if you don't act quickly.
As I write this I'm busy looking to get a big shot lawyer on retainer. I'm hitting a road block though, none of them are willing to retain their opinions to themselves. They keep saying stuff like "frivolous", "baseless" and "ridiculous", whatever that's all about.
Pay me my body weight in heed, hospitals: I've got you guys in my sights as sure as I've got that noisy baby stuck in my tender ears. This ain't over, corporate America, you haven't heard the last from me on this one, I promise*.
* Certain restrictions apply.
ABOVE - You see? He's flopping all over me. I'm trying to relax and lay around on the floor, he's totally cramping my style. Can't you let me return him for money just this once?
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