For the record, this Soap Shoe had never been worn. Tasty,. though. |
Oh boy, my gummies hurt worse than a double dose of hungry and tired el combino. Chewing anything at all helps, but what to chew is the real debate, and herein lies my rebuttal.
Any noun is fit for mastication, as any fool should know, but my review focuses on the two logical choices; teething toys and real life, handsome, footsome, jetsome ol' shoes. Allow me to e'splain.
Teething toys -
Let's face it, these munchy-type toys are great for gummy slobbering, indeed they're designed for the very purpose. Teething toys are:
Pretty.
Chewy.
Multi-textured.
Designed with human non-gaggery and non-poisoning, non-dying deathery in mind.
It's hard to beat, isn't it? Hard, oh yes, but not impopsicle. Read on, you tooth-breaking novice, read on.
Shoes -
There's other things you can chew on too. Like I spoketh ad introductum, any noun works ipso perfectum. Let's just pick one, so we'll use human footy shoes for our comparison. Shoes are great because they're:
Soft on top, chewy on the bottom.
Varied. Soles, tongues, and strings with flugelbinders are just the tips of their respective texture bouquets.
Off-pavement treads work miraculous wonders on the breaking gums.
Shoes are stylish way beyond any chewy-tidbit.
There's always a pile of them by the front door.
Always on hand, even if on foot.
While I can't tell you verbally which of the two oral routes is best to soothe your own aching gums, I only say that both have pleased me to greatest chompery ends.
I've just been handed a note. It says something about a report that Brendan wrote, a remarkably similar article to this one a long time ago. It doesn't say if he ever published it though, hmm... not sure how to address this. Give me a moment.
Thank you, good night!
Printer Friendly Page
Send to a Friend
