This doesn`t add up! |
Oh man, we're out of money again and it took me all afternoon to figure out where the dollars went. Now that I've gotten to the bottom of the bottom line and it's all reading red I'm rosy in the mug seeing where all the ducats went.
I've said over and over that I made a gross clerical error in writing up the benefits package for the new guy. It made sense at the time, not a dime to the paycheck with medical plus room & board and (sadly) all diapers included. It's been a good month and a half now and while the medical has been luckily underwritten the burgeoning diaper expenditures have mushroomed out of control.
Bro-Patrick has a level of self-control unrivaled by either of us other home-boys* and as such only uses kind-of diapers** and only at night when his needs are greatest. That's a big savings right there. Then you've got the newly potty aware me who has further trimmed the Huggie costs by a good 30%. You'd expect that to be enough to keep things in balance but oh my no, this new guy thinks we got diaper bullion on tap and it just ain't so.
Today I tried to order a fresh supply of booty snugglies through our purchasing department and found out that the whole month's diaper allotment had already been blown through in extraordinarily Vegas-style short order. Who approved this? I know I signed the initial purchase order but it wasn't a blank check by a dern sight. I implicitly approved it I know, but never explicitly approved it. There's a big difference.
Though he's only a bunch of weeks old I vote we potty train him. I know he's a bit young for it but I say we break another record here, I say he's ready. Everybody uses a toilet on their own, right? Don't let his inability to crawl count against him, let's treat him equitably.
A few months back we mailed and emailed requests for sample or sponsorship to Huggies Pampers and Luvs but not one of those bloated corporate fat-cats even felt the need to reply. Now, on a writer's salary we're stuck trying to take up the slack. Would it kill these billionaires to kick back a couple bags to the working man in trade for good will?
In the meantime our budget is stretched E-string tight (the high E, not the other one) and we've been forced to slash our R&D and marketing departments both. On my end I'm working to bust him of his nasty diaper habit and I do mean nasty on all levels. Believe me, I'm the king of the nasty diapers around here so I know what I'm talking about. I do what I can to clean him up from my end but from his end it's nothing but yuck. So it goes, so it is and so we're truly stuck and totally broke.
* Boys around the house are called home-boys, don'tcha know?
** Pull-ups.
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