Kindly observe the exceptional bump on my head. |
A new threat to your peace and calm has surfaced and it may be lurking right in your home. So far alarm companies and even the police have no means of protecting you and at any minute you could be assaulted by one of your own walls!
You see them everyday and probably don't give them a second thought. Clad inconspicuously in paint or paper they hold up your ceilings, hold down your floors, and contain your wiring. They seem safe enough but beware that your walls may have an agenda all their own.
Just yesterday, for example, I was running through my home without looking where I was going when out of nowhere one of the walls suddenly jumped out and thumped me on the head knocking me to the ground. I did nothing to provoke the attack. When authorities responded on the scene the mall was motionless and silent, as if it had never moved, but I know better.
Walls may seem useful but their sum rigidity is a double-edged sword which will lead not only to structural integrity but also eventual injury. They have no names, no identifiying features, and no fear. They can't be prosecuted and are therefore totally above the law. Their presence even permeates police stations and courtrooms. Walls may have eyes but clearly no conscience.
When shopping for a new home you should bear all this in mind and seek out a home as completely free of these menaces as possible. Perhaps you'll end up living in a horse stall or an open field, but if that is what it takes to stay clear of imminent danger, then so be it.
I report what I find, speaking only the truth.* You've been warned.
* Truth may be subject to change without notice.
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