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Brendan Alexander, International Man of Mischief
Posted by Brendan on Monday, March 01 @ 02:00:00 PST
If you're anything like me, which I'm pretty sure you are not, you are a man of mischief. Daring, unpredictable, intriguing, and dashingly handsome. For mischief-makers ready to take it to the next level, this one goes out to you.
This isn't a beginner course so if you're looking to break into the field, this is not for you. If you've already been grounded and established but just need a few tips to go global, well then read on my friend.
Get yourself a snappy outfit. While attire is always important, if you're going to play this game, it's absolutely critical. Get something that really screams "not from around here." I recommend shiny fabrics with garish colors and intricate patterns.
Pick out your theme music. Theme music is technically optional though highly recommended. If you decide to go without, people will notice something missing. A boom box or tape player should suffice but whenever possible you should have it performed by your own minstrels. My theme music is "I'm a Little Tea Pot," chosen for its catchy melody and reference to stature matching my own. Due to budgetary constraints, I enter rooms loudly humming my theme.
Be unpredictable. You have to keep your admirers guessing. Once they've got you figured out the intrigue is simply gone. Throw temper tantrums at random intervals, knock the soy sauce on yourself during dinner or maybe take naps when you're out shopping in public. I do all these things and it just drives them wild.
Establish a trademark fragrance. When you enter a room you know your look and behavior need to be signature, but for the deaf, blind and oblivious you need that extra little something. I recommend Brut, soy sauce (see "Be Unpredictable" above) or what I use, which is baby powder.
Establish a trademark drink. Sure you can rotate through beverages like juice, milk and water but, to leave a lasting impression you need something unique. When I go out everyone knows me by my flavor; soy milk, vanilla not plain.
Always be mischievous. You can't be an international man of mischief without a modicum of misbehavior, and when I say a modicum I mean a heaping dose. Demand things you know you can't have, ask people to carry you around, grab things clearly belonging to total strangers. Men of mischief live by a very high standard and you'll never get there unless you ask for stuff. You'll be surprised how much stuff you get when you humbly demand it with assuming confidence.
My methods may sound unorthodox and they may in fact be unorthodox but, let's face it, the lifestyle we're after is not a run-of-the-mill way of life. My strategies have been tested and proven and if you can employ them all you will not fail. My program is 100% guaranteed or your money back.
You see, climbing up on stage is pretty unpredictable.
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