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McDonalds Introduces the 'French Fry'
Posted by Brendan on Saturday, December 06 @ 03:00:00 PST
These are so tasty, I can`t believe no one thought of them sooner. |
Light meat, dark meat, and even mystery meat, special sauce, no extra charge; McDonalds, long famous for their cutting edge décor and stunning Playlands has outdone themselves with their newest menu item, the French fry.
Who would have guessed that those clever culinary conspirators could work such magic on a processed potato fried in fat? It's an amazing harmony unlike anything I've ever had.
I don't know all the details of their recipe, shrouded in a thick fog of unimaginable mystery, but what I do know is astounding. Allow me to explain.
First they take a potato, but not just any potato, that would be too easy. They probably use genetically modified potatoes, because God builds them for the long haul not the flavor.
Next they process it into a puree before reconstituting it into a stick. Isn't that a kick in the pants? They go from solid to liquid and back to solid. Pure genius.
Here's where it gets  exciting: They burn the stick in a vat of boiling hot oil. Oh it's good stuff. The oil soaks right in. You see, people are made up mostly of water so oil is a perfect yang to your body's natural yin.
Once good and soaked, plus good and crispy, they take it out of the oil and place it in a special chamber where salt crystals weighing up to four pounds are able to form all stalagmighty on the fries. If there's one thing that makes oil-drenched potato that much closer to heaven, it's jagged shards of salt.
How did they think to invent such a treat? We'll probably never know. At this point I'm just trying to figure a way to grow more hands so I can triple-fist or quadruple-fist my fries. There just has to be some way of taking them in more efficiently than my mere double-fisting them.
Some words of caution in closing. Since they are long and relatively sharp, try not to poke yourself in the eyes. It sounds obvious enough, but it still bears mention. What's more important than that is your nostrils. A little harder to avoid, but just as uncomfortable. If you've got any kind of good momentum going, as I did, one wrong jab and you'll have salt in the sinus. No good. Also, bear in mind I don't think these have ever been tested on humans, so there may be long-term consequences to consuming them. But really man, who cares when it tastes so divine?
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