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Womb With a View Offers Unprecedented Accommodations
Posted by Brendan on Monday, November 17 @ 01:00:00 PST
You can see me here peeking out at my new boss during the interview. This is my womb with a view. |
By guest writer, Baby X
Editors Note - As the search for a new junior writer/editor winds down, I've had a chance to interview the front-running candidate. What follows is his or her* first article for our publication, an introductory sampling, if you will. Please enjoy. -- Brendan
I've never been anywhere like this before. As far as places to stay, the accommodation here is really good, though it's a tough place to get into. I consider myself lucky because I've got the womb reserved through March/April.
So what do you look for when you're deciding how good a place is?
Comfy. Oh my yes. It's always tropically warm (womb temperature) and there's plenty of space to stretch out.
Security. No one gets in or out of this place. And, with the way it's constructed I doubt I'd even feel an earthquake.
Location, location, location. It's conveniently located within walking distance of, get this, everything I have ever known. Try saying that, Mr. Ramada.
Price. Best I can tell it's free. I was never asked for a credit card. I've never even signed a womb slip, nothing. I think the tab is being picked up on this one. Maybe because I'm an aspiring journalist, I'm not sure.
Room Service. Everything I've ever had or wanted is on the menu and immediately available. How is it when you're somewhere? You read a menu, make a call and then wait an hour for something lukewarm to be delivered by some organ grinder monkey who expects a tip. Consider this the endless cruise buffet, but without all the hassle of having to ask for or chew your own food. It's just there, in your body, done. Like a Big Mac I.V. (I put the dots there so you'd know I didn't mean "4.")
So when I say unprecedented, I really mean it. This place is like no other I have ever seen. This is as first place as any first place could ever be. It's new, it's good, and it's nothing I've ever experienced before. I would recommend everyone try being within the womb at least once in their lives... I wonder how many actually do?
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 * Seriously though, what's the deal with this "his or her" business? I know we don't wish to appear to discriminate, but let's be honest with ourselves here, I think we know who we're going with. Can't we just ask more personal questions like gender or name? It's going to make getting back in contact difficult... although, if I don't know who to make it out to, I guess I can't write a paycheck, can I?
So now let's talk about junior writer/editor. Baby X is a real deal, folks. There's another staff member on the way. This isn't just a pygmy of my imagination. They won't give me a name or gender, but "he, she or it" is en route. What should I do? How should I address this? Do you guys even have any feedback for me? I would love to hear it if you do, and I mean that sincerely.
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