Though ill advised, salt on the pancakes does indeed taste, well, kind of salty. |
There are those who look back longingly to Elizabethan times when men were decent, women were proper, and only poor hygiene and vermin ran more rampant than the already widespread afflictions of cholera, plague and the ubiquitous poverty of the times.
Sure, it sounds good when I explain it, but imagine living in a century devoid of dental awareness. Not so much for the breath smelling of hot garbage and teeth falling out like so many lemurs from a tree, but could you imagine living in a world without Spiderman and Wolverine toothbrushes? Unimaginable! What would kids covet on aisle four?
With each new generation comes nostalgia for generations past. The notion that things were better, children were more mindful, and that manners somehow existed, though I highly doubt that's true. One certainty is that proper manners don't exist today, but I posit that it never did, therefore it never can in the future.
Whether you call it food etiquette, foodiquette or food eatiquette doesn't matter. It turns out that only etiquette is correct. If you think that's confusing, you should try mastering the ins, outs and stop-poking-yourself-in-the-eyes of it all.
Left - In case you ever had cause to wonder, the taste of salt on your pancakes isn't just salty, it's horrific. They told me not to do it, they said it was bad table manners, but oh my goodness, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
Whether it's a question of whether you should put salt on your pancakes or a packet of Splenda, it can be very confusing.
This isn't just making sure you use the left fork with the right course, but apparently which faces are not okay to make once tasting the nasty brew you have concocted.
Like I said, it isn't easy.
These pictures were taken on a recent trip to our favorite house of pancakes, the International House of Pancakes. Pretty clever name, I know, but turns out that when you sell something as wonderful as pancakes you don't need a clever name. Good thing for us, you also don't need a scrap of table manners, especially when you consider that that's exactly how much we have.
We get waiver exceptions on account of, I'm not sure, either our age or our celebrity, but either way we make the most of it. When we go out to eat, I tear up the sugar packets, Patrick shakes pepper all over the table, and Dominic just can't help but harass whichever poor souls get stuck sitting behind us.
Once you take the rat infestations and rampant disease of yesteryear out of the equation, we're not such a bad bit of societal woe with which to deal, are we? Besides, we don't just take baths, we love taking baths, and given the opportunity, we'll take two a day, and to the tune of a couple hours a piece. Something about the dynamics of water we just love more than being dirty itself.
Above - Our taste in taste may not be the best, but our taste in pancakes and syrup is impecable.
Above - I say I want syrup on my pancakes. Well, okay, whatever. It's not a slap to the face, but in terms of poor manners, it will have to do... hey, got any ketchup I might pour upon them?
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