This is me and that unimaginable hero of whom I`ll so richly edify. |
There are sometimes people in this world, and sometimes, those people feel called to become heroes. Perhaps it's their calling or circumstance that makes them rise to the occasion, or perhaps it's something different still, but they appear and evil doers are thwarted. This is no such time, because these heroes were found and dressed by me, making me the true hero indeed.
Take a Batman pillow. Sure, he's toddler-sized and robust in his own way, but you don't want him recognized as the man of bat he is whilst fighting crime so you disguise him. You put upon him a mask of Spiderman, and for good measure, to thwart the would-be forensic investigators, a pair of Spiderman slippers too. Surely at this point he cannot be recognized as the Batman in Spiderman suit he plainly is.
Time permitting, you further adorn his plush mug with a reindeer schnauz cuz you love that he is reinbatspider, and know that his identity is secure.
Then you add a dog, and not just any dog, but my dog. The dog I call "Dog." You dress him in an outrageous, though entirely non-protective outfit that only hinders his movements, the movements you or I give him manually.
You dress him as he's never been dressed before. You call him a knight, or in my verbiology, a "sword guy" and you call him cleverly, "Sword Guy Dog" and he will fight the crimes.
Now you have a crime fighting duo the likes of which the world has never seen. Not, that is, until you write an article about it, specifically this one.
Then you grab them, throw them from the couch, jump all over them, proclaim them intermittently as monsters and thwarters of monsters, only later to decide that you want an applesauce cup.
And then, against all odds, you take a nap.
In your world, this may sound like a dream beyond a farce. Welcome to my hell. In my world, we call this Thursday afternoon.
Above - Between the Spider-Bat-Man, the Knight of a Sword Guy dog and me as a reindeer in my pajamas, you can't find a better crime fighting triumvarate, try as you may.
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