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Reviews
 Real Rocks Less Tasty Than “Pop” Variety
Saturday, February 25 @ 03:00:00 PST
As a self-proclaimed kid I consider myself an uncommon expert on all things candy, candy related, pseudo-candy, edible and otherwise mouthable. I know what you’re thinking, “mouthable” isn’t a real word, but tell that to all the things I put in my mouth, even things like inedible rocks.
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 “No Parking” Proven Untrue at City Parks
Friday, February 24 @ 00:00:00 PST
If there’s one thing we like -- and there isn’t, there’s more like a million things, but for arguments sake, hear me out -- it’s anything free. Whether it’s free time, free love, free cell, or free parking, it’s our thing. We’ve never mastered free cell, but when it comes to “no parking” we’ve found quite the opposite to be as true as it is wonderful.
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 Cartoons Fun and Wholesome, for Christ’s Sake
Monday, February 20 @ 02:00:00 PST
If there’s one thing I love more than curling up with a cold hotdog and a cartoon, I don’t know what it is. But with so many channels on non-stop cartoons and all the great kid stuff we have OnDemand, how can one decide which is the best and most wholesome? It’s easy, for Christ’s sake.
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 New Fort Trimmed Out Tremendously
Saturday, February 18 @ 02:00:00 PST
It’s not every day we get a new piece of furniture around the house, and it’s even less common we get a whole, entire house exclusively for us junior folks in-dwellery, so when we got our latest disposable, cardboard fort, we pounced on it like a bachelor in his own first pad, and I mean that we decorated it, lived it up, and literally pounced on it as well.
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 Short Writers Asked to Shorten Some More
Friday, February 17 @ 03:00:00 PST
We’ve gone through a number of different incarnations of our work throughout the long and illustrious history of Perplexing Times, and our latest one has been apparently tantamount to longwindedness, and we’ve heard your letters, we’re willing to get even shorter than we already are.
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 WaMu Ups Convenience Ante w/ In-Home Branches
Saturday, February 11 @ 04:00:00 PST
I’ve always been a fan of banking and not just because I bank, I don’t. I leave such menial, daily tasks to those of attention spans longer than a half minute. No, I like the conveniences of convenient banking because it insures our rent check makes it on time and because I hate sitting in the car with one parent, bored out of my skull, while the other parent runs in to do that whole “banking” thing. WaMu has heard my cry, and today opened a new branch, one that’s painfully obviously hunkered down in my own living room.
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 Love Series of Identical, Mysteriously Puzzling Presents
Monday, February 06 @ 03:00:00 PST
I know it’s been a long time since my birthday, well over a month in all honesty, but we’re a bit short on material and these pictures spell out something fantastic in my development. When presented with a dozen presents of identical wrapping and identical odd shapes, I was every bit as curious about the next one as the last… What could this next present be?
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 Kiddy Gate Proven No Match for Prehensile Monkey Toes
Sunday, February 05 @ 03:00:00 PST
So, okay, I know I’m more advanced than my predecessoral brothers in a bunch of ways, but the most frustrating way of all of them, as it seems at least to my parental guardian-folk, is my ability to climb like a monkey, which is usually followed by Curious George style mischief as well.
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 Yeah, Baby, SatireSearch Better Recognize!
Saturday, February 04 @ 06:00:00 PST
I’ve had my differences with SatireSearch, but when they stopped listing our headlines amongst their live, daily feed of the best funny stuff across the net I was a bit concerned. We held an executive meeting and it was determined that we should write to them asking why we were dropped or if it was a mistake, but we didn’t. And it paid off big time, baby.
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 People in Glass Houses Shouldn't Stow Thrones
Tuesday, January 31 @ 01:00:00 PST
There are ever more and more figures of speech I hear thrown around from time to time, but from my throne I only hear just a few and regard even fewer of them still. You know how it is, a pound of advice is only worth an ounce of experience so, for me, my ounce this week came in the form of being magnetically locked in a glass house and I now better understand at least, at most and at worstedly best one of these so-called Figaro’s of speech.
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