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More Perplexing Articles . . .
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 Crush Probably Unreciprocated
Posted Sunday, August 24 @ 05:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Ever since I've known how to use my eyes to see I've been able to spot a girl a mile away,* and even before that my other senses were tuned. Pre-tuned from the factory, I guess you could say. Sure I'm a people watcher, but I have a real soft spot for the ladies, in addition to that other silly soft spot atop my noggin. |
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 Skin Lotion a Total Scam
Posted Saturday, August 23 @ 04:00:00 PDT by Brendan
You've seen the ads. Product after product offering to moisturize, restore and rejuvenate. All these creams, gels and lotions make these comical claims to actually give you soft skin. To that I say, pish tosh! (In part I say this because it's a rip-off, in part because the very sounds of pish and tosh together make me giggle a little). |
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 Being 'On Grass' Disappointing
Posted Friday, August 22 @ 03:00:00 PDT by Brendan
People speak in ambiguous terms of the high virtues of grass. Always the curious baby, I decided to give it a whirl as soon as the opportunity presented itself. |
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 Brother's Augmentation Totally Unnecessary
Posted Thursday, August 21 @ 04:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Enlarge this, reduce that, trim, shape and sculpt. Take fat from here and squirt it in there. Permanently add, remove or relocate hair for a more pleasing look. Tattoos and piercings, lasers for every reason and season. When does the quest for physical improvement become too much? When does the line of handsome aesthetics get crossed and pass into the realm of unnecessary, silly, and even meddlesomely interfering? When? I've got your answer: Today. |
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 Soy Milk Ain't Milk
Posted Wednesday, August 20 @ 03:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Even though soy formula has been around for several lifetimes, several of mine anyhow, and yet there still isn't a whole lot of research available about the long term results of using it. I know back when I was a kid, I was pretty gassy and had a bit of a problem with spitting up. You have to do something about that, right? |
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 Woman 160x My Age Alleges Great-Grandma Status
Posted Tuesday, August 19 @ 06:00:00 PDT by Brendan
Washington - Personal investigation has uncovered the fact that most people alive are very, very old; almost alarmingly old on average. Even my editorial assistant (bless his dusty old heart) is 29. That's an estimated 43 lifetimes. At Perplexing Times we don't practice age discrimination (we don't have to practice, we got it right the first time), so as long as he is still able bodied his position is secure. Though if he thinks he's going to get money to buy his Metamucil, or whatever it is old people like him buy, he's out of his crotchety old mind. |
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 Older Brother “Total Cokehead, Probably”
Posted Monday, August 18 @ 05:00:00 PDT by Brendan
There is only so much concern I can express but, as his brother, the time is now. I am worried about my older sibling and as you dear readers must know by now, I am a baby of action. |
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